


Bed

by jhsdhalr



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-03
Updated: 2012-03-03
Packaged: 2017-11-01 01:24:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/350446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jhsdhalr/pseuds/jhsdhalr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I decided that anyone whose Apartment looks like Sherlock's does is bound to have a messy bed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bed

**Author's Note:**

> This was written before Season 2 was shown on TV.

One night John's bed collapsed. One moment he was on top of Sherlock, having a great time, and the next moment there was an awful grinding, crunching sound and the bed collapsed. Naturally, when your bed collapses the most logical thing to do is find another bed. Therefore, Sherlock and John extricated themselves from the detritus that was now John's bed and repaired to Sherlock's bed instead. This proved to be a BIG mistake.

"Your bed is cold" John complained, as, both totally naked, he and Sherlock climbed under the covers.

Sherlock didn't reply. It was obvious the bed was cold. He didn't intend to have a conversation about it.

John attempted to fluff up one of Sherlock's rather flat pillows and found something underneath. He pulled the something out and it proved to be a mouse. A mummified mouse."What the fuck---?" he exclaimed in horror, dropping the mouse on the bedcovers.

Sherlock picked up the mouse. "That was an experiment" he said calmly "I followed the ancient Egyptian methods with great care. I intend to do something larger next, a dog maybe."

John groaned. "Get rid of it and WASH YOUR HANDS" he shouted "I am not sharing a bed with someone who's handled a mummified mouse, and if you think your getting any--well--you've had it for tonight." He was so shocked by the mouse that he didn't even think of washing his own hands.

Sherlock sighed loudly, but got up and carried the mouse out of the room. He placed it, very carefully, on one of the kitchen counters, rinsed his hands speedily, and returned to bed, just in time to see John kneeling up in the bed picking at the bottom sheet.

"What's all this stuff on the sheet?" John asked, as Sherlock stood beside the bed looking amused.

"Chocolate chip cookies" Sherlock said "haven't you ever ate in bed?" He didn't explain that he liked to lie in bed, eating chocolate chip cookies and conducting an invisible orchestra at the same time. It made for a lot of crumbs. Anyhow, watching John pick up the cookie remains was very enjoyable.

John sat up on the edge of the bed. "Is there anything else in your bed I ought to know about?" he asked "because I don't want to be surprised later in the night."

"If you didn't insist on always doing everything in YOUR bed you'd have found these things before" Sherlock said, somewhat crossly.

John was studying the bed sheet with devotion. "I take it you never have clean sheets either" he complained "there are a lot of stains down here."

"You can learn a lot from stains" Sherlock informed him loftily "I can tell you about every one in the entire place."

John pointed to a faint brown stain near the left hand pillow. "Go on then" he said "tell me and start with this."

Sherlock peered at the stain in question. Then his expression visibly brightened. "I cut my finger on a dagger" he said, smiling happily "it was an experiment in blood flow."

John groaned. He pointed to a very large stain half way down the bed. "I know what that looks like but there 's too much of it" he said.

"It was a very exciting night" said Sherlock "that was when you first came here."

"All that from one night?" John exclaimed "I don't believe it."

"I was very stimulated" said Sherlock.

"You haven't changed the sheet in all that time?" John gasped.

"It's only two months and I'm a bit----er--attached to that sheet--it holds many happy memories" Sherlock said quietly, looking slightly embarrassed, which was so unusual that John stopped being irritated, for a moment at least. He indicated another, greenish stain. "What's that?" he asked.

Suddenly, Sherlock looked puzzled. "It was an experiment" he said, after a moments thought.

John smiled brightly. "You don't know, do you?" he chirruped happily.

"It's been a while" Sherlock said "I think it's from some kind of chemical. I was experimenting. It was a stain experiment."

John distracted himself from this by looking under all the pillows, hoping not to find another mouse. He didn't find a mouse, which was a relief, but he did find a number of damp tissues, half a slice of brown bread with what looked like cheese on it, several little pieces of wood, a small bone, that looked like a human finger bone, two pieces of electrical cable and a bar of chocolate, wrapped in a handkerchief, that had melted into an odd and rather suggestive shape. He threw each discovered item onto the floor as he found them. The chocolate was the last. He held it up. "What happened to this?" he asked.

Sherlock smiled broadly. "I was trying to melt it into a penis shape. Yours actually" he said "I took it out of the wrapper very carefully and sucked it into submission. It was great fun."

John suddenly began to feel much more cheerful. " How about trying it on a real person?" he suggested.

"Great idea" Sherlock said and grabbed hold of John before he could change his mind or complain about something else in or on the bed. They fell together on the bed and Sherlock started to work on sucking John into submission thinking to himself "thank goodness he never looked under the bed and found that cat skeleton and those blood samples I borrowed and that rag I wiped the floor with once and --------and-------"

THE END.


End file.
